waiting in the pond

i hear the phrase “i don’t like (a) people/person,” from myself- from others; and i feel to myself “has the tree been lost for the forest?”

i understand the reactive sentiment but i wonder about how lasting the generalization may have on us and to those that hear our words. not to mention that what we say reflects back to us by the environment we insinuate.

it is an odd sensation that the mind may wander (react/feel) in directions you don’t agree with. i like to say that we cannot control our reactions, our feelings, emotions, instincts, there is a measure of influence we might be able to employ to best wield or direct our intuitive mechanism; it is the choice acted upon that makes for any substantial control we may believe we have.

i find my reactions to want to group people instead of enjoy the singular presence. why is that? “perhaps,” i think to myself, “there are papers written on the subject that i have not seen (or am too distracted to go searching for, or pay for).”

i am a calculated but human driver, not aggressive, not careless. but at times my driving may seem like that to others. i have to think, or i can’t help but think, about the various conditions any one person is in when they drive.

for me i don’t drive with emotion 95% of the time. i don’t yell at people in my car or give “alternative hand signals.” but i do recognize the hazards and events. like any beast, i observe and alter my behaviour to survive. instincts. intellectually i accent instinct with projected abstract thoughts, utilizing either past, present, or future elements.

i mention cars and driving because i hear it from people around me, and perhaps it is one of those elements that most people have to deal with in life: driving or co-existing with drivers. and so, often i hear people grouping individual drivers. instead of driving in a practical manner, they are often compromised by emotion. this compromise may be subtle – as in an element added to the subconscious that may eventually wear the psyche down (producing, perhaps, nightmares or ulcers – the minimum conscious realization: “ruining one’s day”) or as a severe outburst such as road rage.

in the past my mind was unstructured. lots to process. over the years i’ve developed and evolved ways of comprehension, acceptance, appreciation. thus, i am able to articulate, channel, wield, or direct the awareness. i say this because even though instinct or my reaction wants to group, gets upset, or gripe, it quickly dissipates. “but it’s all relative” some voice says to me. “will i ever know anything?” i reply.

no answer is returned



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