yesterday was not a good day.
i gave in to my lesser impulses. i had no acceptance. i got stuck in that loop of trying so hard to control things because everything in my life feels out of control and unpredictable right now. but i know, every time i do that, i know that it doesn’t end well.
the good news is that i was only existing in that space for a short time, and when i realized what i was doing, i was able to right my thinking, and right my wrongs. i guess they call that progress.
i forget. i forget that i am not in control of anything in this crazy life, except for what i do and they way i treat people. my reactions. and i’m really not even in control of my reactions, but i am responsible for the way i express them. some days i honor that responsibility better than others.
i wasn’t kind yesterday. i wasn’t kind to the people who care about me and the people who are trying to help me. i was beating myself up about that for a minute, but then i stopped that too.
because this morning i awoke to my little girl, sitting on the chair in the corner, marveling at the pink clouds in a glorious morning sky and inviting me to come look at them with her. and it was quiet and wonderful. and we snuggled in the blanket and gazed up at the sky and talked a while, slipping peacefully into this day, wrapped in each others wonder.
and today is a new day. today i will do better.