por fin

es una locura,  esta vida.  como puede ser posible que las cosas puedan cambiar de una manera tan repentina?   de sentirme hace unos pocos meses tan perdida,  dañada,  triste…

y ahora,  más feliz que he estado en toda mi vida?

increíble.   es cierto,  lo que dicen:  la vida es una tómbola.

m

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disruption of devotion

really, the thing is

when you go looking for stuff

you tend to find it

 

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free

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broken

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blue-digit-abacus math for the light-headed

you know,

the comment that sums up almost everything i’m against regarding what i said in my previous email is…

“good but not the best”

and the comment is talking about this group or perhaps individuals..

http://youtu.be/HdzFHQrJYIA *

i love pop, funk, boogie, whatever!.  and i guess i get heated (and am tired of) when i face or have to be present amongst “light headed” people.

i’m to the point(i feel like this aspect has always been in me- trapped) where i support experience- not dance, not gimmick, not tradition, not reputation, or tribulations… and i’ve said this countless times before and i’ll probably say it countless more – i’ll throw the abacus at the light-headed until i’m blue in the digits – that i respond to all ingredients, however many or little or in their miraculous variable-and-account that speak to me.

my soul hears~ and whatever beats upon those drums deep in my subsonic aura will be my delight; my experience.

and so i will like what i want, and i will lay down my voice for that. i love what i want, and i will support that with my last 9-volt.

ever ready

ever down

to boogie

for cool

for fun

for fresh

*for what speaks to my electrodes… perhaps it’s the beat, not the style of music, perhaps it’s something more fundamentally spoken than that – but i will follow what my core worms by. i will care as less as i can at people who say “this has to be this” and “that must be that.” i have my tastes, my oxidized narrative, and that is what decides, not some master, not some novice, not some school, not some anything. i decide what cherry to put on top or plate to melt my scoops in. all else get’s my poot-scoot dog scratch.

my commentary is thus: i like what remote control represents – brings to the table, i am in love with their teamwork, their cooperative function of construction, their dynamic energy that makes my math smile.

“technicality” gets stuck to the light-headed mind so easily – it’s like the fake barf on spock’s** back. and that technicality-barf sinks it’s tendrils deep into those minds. and i guess it’s too bad for them.

i see past technicality, i see beyond what’s on the nose of other people’s faces. i see genuine, i see fresh.

**

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to mane

let’s pop doubles somehow. that’d be fun. as i said i’m not a “dancer,” don’t know the lingo, or the formalities/culture of dancing regardless of “venue.” what i do know is what makes me feel good. and so i want to refine my tool/body to be able to articulate that feeling. everything else- all the rules and traditions and whatever else – that is not my concern; just like that stuff is not my concern when it comes to any form of expression or “art.”

 
what does the expression say to me? how does it move me? i care about all aspects of expression and i’m not going to pre-judge, or judge at all, any expression by singular aspects/attributes. for me, to me – it’s the whole experience i feel.
 
i love electric boogaloos(amoung others) but i’m not going to slow myself down and muck my expression up with “their” fame, their rules, their traditions or anyone/thing else’s or the general ideology people have about any one thing or cultural aspect/genre. i’m definitely taking a stance on this kind of thing/thinking/behaviour, because it’s who i am. haha, people usually refer to this as “thinking outside the box” but i say “leave your box at home and let expression go where it will.” and people don’t like when you don’t follow tradition, or do things in familiar ways – they’ll fight and kill to defend what they consider to be the “right” thing. “know your roots” “respect” etc.
there is a difference between “knowing the roots” being ignorant, and plain having to follow what you feel. not to mention that “at one time” everything that is now established didn’t exist at one point, had to evolve, and perhaps fight to establish itself.
 
follow who you are. if that includes tradition and established ways – fantastic, but if you feel something else, then you better do that too. explore that. share it. and take the friction from everyone going the other way, because it’s your duty to yourself and everyone to support what you feel strongly about.
also, no matter how i try to defend it, i can’t stand[to do it myself] dance battling. it’s fun to watch, but it’s like smoking or jewelry to me – it’s fun/cool to watch or appreciate but that doesn’t mean it’s what i’m about, or that i should be doing it.
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we are

broken
beautiful
perfectly imperfect
struggling
fractured
healing
kind
frightened
alone
creating
being
whole
compassionate
accepting
reassuring
liberated
we are human
and we are trying
so hard

we are love.

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